My apology to you

 

IMG_4146I am not a perfect parent and have never claimed to be. I have got a lot of things wrong. Here is my apology to you.

First of all let’s cover the basic stuff. I’m sorry that maybe there have been times when we haven’t talked enough, or when we have been so busy as a family that we’ve forgotten to stop and have a good laugh. I’m sorry that I have moaned and nagged a lot at times. I just hope that when you look back at the things I moaned and nagged about that you understand that there were good reasons. I want you to turn out as good people who don’t hurt others and try your best.

I’m sorry that I have been ill at times and have not been able to do some of the things that other mums do. It sometimes makes me feel sad when I see what other parents can do and I know that I can’t keep up. If I’m honest there are times that I’ve avoided situations so I don’t have to face it. I’ve always done my best to do all the things I should with you but I know that sometimes it hasn’t been good enough. Too often you have to run around doing things for me and you shouldn’t have to do that, but I can see that it has helped to develop a sense of responsibility in you and that is a positive thing. I really believe that there is a positive to be found in every situation. I’ve yet to come across a single example where that wasn’t true.

I work far too hard. I can’t help it. I believe that we have a short time on this earth and need to work hard to have an impact. I want to improve the lives of other children and I have this fire in my belly that doesn’t go away until I have worked myself into the ground. Unfortunately that means that sometimes my two little people don’t get as much of me as you could do. Part of me is sorry for that, and part of me isn’t.

You see, as much as you are the two most important children in the world to me, there are others that have no-one to care about them at all. There are children who might go off the rails if we don’t help them – and they might hurt those around them. There are children who have awful things going on and no-one to stand up for them. So you, my two little stars, share me. You share me with all of those children I am trying to help. Thank you for doing that for others.

I’m sat here trying to recall a time when you have ever moaned at me for any of these things and I don’t think you have. Maybe you think it sometimes and are too kind to say. I don’t know. Thank you anyway.

Oh, and one more thing – I’m sorry I wasn’t in many of the photographs of when you were little. That’s not because I don’t love you or that I wasn’t there when all of those moments took place. It is because I love you so much that I was the one behind the camera – wanting to capture every moment. Those (mostly) happy faces in the pictures were looking back at me. Remember that when you look at those photos in the future.

I might not be perfect but I am always willing to admit my failures and quick to apologise. Not enough people do that. I think I’ve got that bit right at least.