Hi both,
It has been absolutely ages since I posted on here. I have allowed myself to get completely wrapped up in work and have not given sufficient time to the other things that matter. I had a plan to compensate over Christmas but I was too shattered to give it my all. Last night I sat awake in bed knowing that I had failed you both badly. I’m sorry.
I do, however, have the awareness to remind myself that we are all human and that no-one is perfect. We all make mistakes and get our balance in life wrong. From today I am going to make sure that I put more effort into giving you quality time. I can’t change the past and I am making an effort not to beat myself up about it. That is just self destructive and won’t actually change anything apart from eating away at my energy to change things in the future.
Those people who know me well know that when I say I am going to do something I do it. It is one of my better features. As a family, we have already made some decisions that will change things in the future. This year will be about seeing those through. I will be more productive with my time so that I still do a good job at work but also give you more of the time and attention you deserve.
You both know that we are planning to relocate this year. Matilda is totally up for it and already looking for houses on the internet. Toby, you find change harder to come to terms with and it is causing you a bit of upset. I hope that one day you look back at this and realise that our decisions were for the right reasons. We want to be able to spend more time with you and to have a better future for us all. We believe that this move will make both of these things possible. It distresses me that you are upset at the prospect Toby but I’m not entirely sure that an 8 year old can make good long term decisions. If you don’t settle we’ll move back, I promise.
So here’s to a new start and hopefully lots of new adventures. I’m going to be more present – both in mind and in body. Life is made up of nothing more than a series of moments – and I want more of those moments to be spent on you.
We’re in this together xx