Follow your dreams (but don’t be scared to change them)

It seems to make sense that to mark the end of 2019, I reflect on what has happened this year. I have learnt some really valuable lessons this year and they were not quite what I expected. This will take a little bit of time before I get to the point but please carry on reading and stick with it. It will also serve to explain some of the decisions that I have made this year.

In 2017, I became the Headteacher of a school for students who have been excluded from mainstream education. I sort of fell unexpectedly into this role but I found that I really enjoyed working with students who are on the edge of our education system as I believe that the biggest impact can be made here. More about this another time.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, at the beginning of 2019 I began to feel that a change was needed. I felt that I had made a reasonable difference to the school but wanted to set up a model that worked slightly differently. Policy makers had started to show an interest in the work that we had been doing and I had a growing desire to change things on a national level. I believed (and still do) that by talking to these people, that I can change things for many more young people than just the limited number that walk through the doors of one school. My difficulty was that I could not dedicate the time I needed to do this work while working at the school I was at.

Running alongside all of this, I have also had a secret dream of having my own school that I could set up and run in exactly the way that I wanted, rather than a school which had established working practices that it was not appropriate to change. I took the difficult decision to leave the school and the students that I had grown to love to pursue a different dream.

So, in March 2019 I left the school and gave myself six weeks to set up my own. The vision was that I could create the perfect model that I could share with policy makers to illustrate how to work with young people on the edge of exclusion. I had no team – all I had was the support of two amazing men. Your Dad has always supported me to follow whatever path I choose in life, even if it means making personal sacrifices to do this. My best friend Phil has always been the one who has helped me to believe in myself. He phoned me every single day after work to talk through my day, explore any issues that I was having, and generally hold me together. I owe so much to these two people and will always be in debt to them.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I managed to set everything up in six short weeks and the school opened in April 2019. Schools quickly started referring students to us.

In terms of what we provided the students, things could not have gone better. Schools referred their most challenging students to us and we worked on their confidence, resilience and built positive relationships. All of this meant that behaviour incidents were pretty rare and students made good progress. The schools that used us were really happy with what the school did. The aim was to get all students successfully back into school within 12 weeks and we were successful in achieving this. If I am honest the model worked better than even I had anticipated.

I faced huge problems however.  Firstly, because we were legally limited by the number of students we could take I could only afford one other member of staff full time and could not afford to pay them well.  This meant that I got staff who either were not committed to the vision and were just doing the job to earn a little bit of money or, if I got someone who was good, they quickly left as they knew they had the skills to earn more elsewhere.  In the six months that the school operated I got through four staff. 

All of this meant that the day to day responsibility all fell on me.  I had to do all the admin, plan lessons, sort out any behavioural incidents and attend all the safeguarding meetings (which were numerous). I often had to do the teaching too, especially as many of the staff were off sick frequently. I had my own health struggles and was starting on some new treatment that wiped me out every month. I was supposed to take time after each treatment to heal, but if I wasn’t in work I would have to close the school. This just couldn’t happen as some of the students were very vulnerable and closing would put them at risk. I had no real option but to choose their welfare over my own health and this took its toll on me. I soon realised that if I kept this up I ran the risk of not being able to work at all – and that would benefit no-one, least of all you.

All of the places were full and we were getting more and more requests from schools to refer pupils. My only option to grow the model was to find a building that we could register to take more students but hours and hours of searching failed to result in a building that was suitable for the very specific needs of our young people. I knew that we were never going to make big money from this venture (being a high earner has never been a priority in my life). However, I had hoped to develop the model to the point where I could afford to pay staff to enable the school to run without me – so that I could spend some time doing the policy development work that I wanted so badly to contribute to. There was one day where I dared to leave the school to attend a meeting that I had been invited to in London and the staff could not cope without me. The realisation began to sink in that I could not carry on doing this alone. 

So, I made the really difficult decision to give it up. I was devastated but slowly realised, again with the support of those around me, that the whole experience was not wasted.

First of all, the bottom line is that I achieved my dream. I set up a school, that served its students really well, in just six weeks. I know that one day, if I ever have the money to be able to get the right building and attract the right team of people, I could do it again. There are ways to apply for funding to do this, rather than trying to fund it all myself. I’m not thinking about doing that right now, but if I do I have the credibility and confidence of having achieved it once before.

Next, I have learnt some really effective strategies and developed some useful tools to work with these students. I am now sharing these with other schools. My aim to spread my impact beyond my own school is beginning to be realised.

I have also learnt that I have the full and unwavering support of your Dad and Phil. They were beside me throughout the experience and to know that you have people like this in your life is priceless. I am glad that you have them in your life too as I know they will always be there for you. 

Finally, I took the decision to return to my previous school. I returned on more flexible terms than before which will enable me to continue to develop the work that I have started and hopefully to continue to influence policy on a national level. I’ve returned more knowledgeable and more confident. I will be using what I have learnt over the course of this year to make the school even better – this would not have been possible without the experiences I have had.

So, you are probably wondering how all of this applies to you.  First of all, I wanted to explain to you why I made the decisions that I have. I wanted to thank you for supporting me with my dream and I wanted to explain that I gave it up for the right reasons.  

Most of all though, I wanted to show you that it is okay to take the decision to follow a dream, but equally okay to change your mind – as long as you are doing it for the right reasons. Every experience offers new learning and, if you are prepared to embrace that then every experience adds value.

Sometimes going for your dreams takes courage to step away from the certain into the unknown. I’ve always been happy to take calculated risks (as long as they don’t put lives at risk!) and I hope that you have the confidence to do that too. However, you should not be too proud to admit that you have changed your mind. Life is too short to settle for circumstances that are not making you happy.

So please chase your dreams, but if those dreams change don’t be scared to alter your path. You shouldn’t need to make yourself unhappy to make a difference.